The dishes are a placeholder for pretty much anything here. Whatever the issue, using accusatory blanket terms like “never” and “always” tends to end the same way every time: with you and your boo engaged in an overblown argument. Plus, there's a good chance your generalization is wrong, said Samantha Rodman, a psychologist in Takoma Park, Maryland.
來自馬里蘭州塔科馬帕克的心理學家薩曼莎·羅德曼說，這里的碗碟可以用任何事物代替。無論是什么問題，只要用到“從來不”、“總是”等充滿指責意味的概括性字眼，每次都會導致同樣的結果：你和伴侶大吵一架。而且，你的概括很有可能是錯誤的。

“Nothing is black and white so telling a partner that she's never on time or he's always selfish can't be right,” she told The Huffington Post. “These types of statements only lead to a prosecutor-defendant dynamic, which is not what you want in your marriage.”
她對《赫芬頓郵報》說：“沒有什么事是非黑即白的，所以對伴侶說她從來沒有準時過或他總是很自私，并不好。這些話只會導致你們不斷來回指責和辯解，這并不是你在婚姻里想要的。”

2. “You sound exactly like your mother.”
“你和你媽說話一模一樣。”

When arguing, stick to the issue at hand and keep the focus on the two of you. Introducing nasty comparisons to your in-laws is unfair and ultimately a diversion from your problems, said Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, a marriage and family therapist and the author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage.
婚姻與家庭咨詢師、《幸?；橐鲋改稀返淖髡呱瘋悺ぜ獱柨死锼固亍W尼爾說，吵架的時候，要專注于眼前問題，把焦點放在你們兩個人身上。把對方父母牽扯進來進行比較的做法非?？蓯?，不公平，最終也偏離了你們本身的問題。

“Mentioning parents can easily become mean-spirited attacks that interfere with the couple's ability to address the underlying issues,” she told HuffPost.
她對《赫芬頓郵報》說：“提及父母就很有可能變成刻薄的攻擊，影響雙方解決眼前問題的能力?！?/p>

3. “You think you're better than everyone else!”
“你是不是覺得自己很了不起！”

Never put words in your partner's mouth or in this case, thoughts in their head. There's no way of knowing what someone is feeling or thinking, so keep the assumptions to yourself, said Becky Whetstone, a marriage and family therapist in Little Rock, Arkansas.
來自阿肯色州小巖城的婚姻與家庭咨詢師貝基·惠茨通說，永遠不要對伴侶說這句話，或者，即使這樣說了，也不要讓他們認為你真這么想。了解他人的情緒或想法是不可能的，所以這樣的假設留給你自己就好。

“These statements are aggravating because your spouse knows that what you're accusing them of is not true,” she said. “What you're saying suggests you don't think very highly of your S.O. It's a double dose of pain in one sentence.”
她說：“這樣的話容易激化矛盾，因為對方認為你的指責不實。并且，你說的話表明你對對方的評價不高。所以，這句話包含了雙重傷害?！?/p>

4. “Do I look like I've put on weight?”
“我是不是胖了？”

“What you really mean by asking this is, 'I know I've put on weight. I'm unhappy about how I look and I need you to say that you're OK with my current state.'” she said. “These types of questions are all about side-stepping personal responsibility, plus they force your partner into an enabling role,” said Robyn Wahlgast, a dating and relationship coach for women.
“你問這句話的真正意思是'我知道我體重增加了，我不滿意我的樣子，我需要你說你對我的現(xiàn)狀很滿意'?；卮疬@些問題都不是必要的個人責任，而且這種問題相當于在逼迫伴侶去發(fā)揮激勵你的作用，”女性約會和戀愛輔導師蘿賓·沃爾葛斯特如是說。

5. “Have you put on a few pounds?”
“你是不是胖了？”

Blunt, negative remarks to your spouse about his or her appearance are also out of line.
直白、消極地評論配偶的外貌也越過了紅線。

“Unconstructive criticism of physical appearance is as bad as it gets,” Whetstone said. “It's painful because you're suggesting that your partner isn't good enough or that they're less than or defective.”
“毫無助益地批評外貌，要多糟有多糟，”惠茨通說?！斑@樣很傷人，因為你在暗示你的伴侶不夠好、差那么一點、有缺陷?！?/p>

6. “You're a horrible parent, breadwinner, lover...”
“你是個糟糕的家長/當家的/愛人……”

Put-downs centered around your spouse's family or occupational roles are particularly cruel, said M. Gary Neuman, a psychotherapist based in Miami Beach, Florida.
貶低你配偶的家庭或職業(yè)角色非常殘忍，弗羅里達邁阿密灘市心理治療師M·加里·諾依曼說。

“Negative statements about our self-identities are devastating,” he said. “These roles are so important and tender. When they're questioned, we feel completely torn down. It becomes hard to forget statements like this.”
他說：“消極評價個人身份的結果是毀滅性的。我們的角色重要又脆弱，它們一旦被質疑，我們就感覺完全崩潰了。我們也很難忘掉這樣的話。”

7. “Ugh, I hate when you do that.” (Said in front of friends or family.)
（當著朋友或家人的面說）“呃，我討厭你那么做?！?/font>