又是一年記者協(xié)會(huì)晚宴，“相聲表演藝術(shù)家”奧巴馬進(jìn)行了他在白宮小劇場(chǎng)的“封箱演出”。他都講了什么段子、抖了哪些包袱？一起來(lái)看。

1. 吐槽總統(tǒng)卸任后的賺錢(qián)方式
"If this material works well, I'm gonna use it at Goldman Sachs next year. Earn me some serious Tubmans."
如果我今天的演講很出彩，我計(jì)劃明年到高盛再講一遍，賺點(diǎn)零花兒。

2. 評(píng)論自己遲到
"I do apologize, I know I was a little late tonight. I was running on CPT -- which stands for jokes that white people should not make."
抱歉我今晚遲到了一會(huì)兒，我是按照CPT時(shí)間來(lái)的。這是白人不能講的笑話。
（Colored People Time，即有色人種時(shí)間，指“黑人總遲到”的刻板思維）

3. 預(yù)測(cè)下一任總統(tǒng)
"Next year at this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot. And it's anyone's guess who she will be."
明年這個(gè)時(shí)候，會(huì)有另一個(gè)人站在這個(gè)地方。有誰(shuí)知道她會(huì)是誰(shuí)么。
（用she暗指希拉里·克林頓可能當(dāng)選）

4. 評(píng)論民主黨總統(tǒng)參選人伯尼·桑德斯
"We've got the bright new face of the Democratic Party here tonight, Mr. Bernie Sanders! Bernie, you look like a million bucks. Or to put it in terms you'll understand, you look like 37,000 donations of $27 each."
民主黨的全新面孔今晚也來(lái)到了現(xiàn)場(chǎng)——伯尼·桑德斯先生！伯尼，你氣色真不錯(cuò)（英文直譯：看起來(lái)像百萬(wàn)美元）。或者用你更易于理解的話說(shuō)，你看起來(lái)像3.7萬(wàn)份27美元的捐款。
（伯尼·桑德斯的競(jìng)選基金主要來(lái)自普通捐款人，人均捐款數(shù)是27美元）

5. 提到伯尼·桑德斯與自己的差異
"I am a little hurt that you're distancing yourself from me, Bernie. That's not something you do to your comrade."
伯尼，你一直在跟我保持距離，這讓我有點(diǎn)傷心啊。你不該這樣對(duì)待你的革命戰(zhàn)友。
（雖然同為民主黨，但伯尼·桑德斯是一個(gè)社會(huì)主義者）

6. 評(píng)論自己的支持率上升
"In my final year, my approval ratings keep going up. The last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major."
任內(nèi)最后一年，我的支持率一直在上升。我上次這么飄飄然，還是在我大學(xué)選專業(yè)的時(shí)候。
（曾有報(bào)道稱奧巴馬上學(xué)時(shí)吸毒成癮）

7. 吐槽唐納德·特朗普的經(jīng)營(yíng)策略
"There's one area where Donald's experience could be invaluable, and that's closing Guantanamo. Because Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground."
有一個(gè)領(lǐng)域，唐納德的經(jīng)驗(yàn)會(huì)非常有用，那就是關(guān)閉關(guān)塔那摩監(jiān)獄——因?yàn)樵诎阉暗禺a(chǎn)搞砸這方面，特朗普還是挺在行的。

8. 評(píng)論特朗普未到現(xiàn)場(chǎng)
"I am a little hurt he's not here tonight. We had so much fun the last time. And it is surprising -- you have a room full of reporters, celebrities, cameras. And he says no. Is this dinner too tacky for The Donald? What could he be possibly doing instead? Eating a Trump Steak? Tweeting out insults to Angela Merkel? What's he doing?"
唐納德今晚沒(méi)來(lái)我有點(diǎn)小傷心，上次我們玩得那么開(kāi)心。奇怪啊，今晚這么多記者、名人在場(chǎng)，這么多攝像機(jī)，他竟然不來(lái)。唐納德是嫌棄我們的晚宴太土嗎？那他現(xiàn)在在干嘛？在吃特朗普牛排？在推特上黑默克爾？還是干嘛呢？

9. 調(diào)侃特朗普不懂外交的梗
"They say Donald lacks the foreign policy experience to be president, but in fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world -- Miss Sweden, Miss Argentina, Miss Azerbaijan."
大家都說(shuō)唐納德缺乏當(dāng)總統(tǒng)所需的外交經(jīng)驗(yàn)，不過(guò)公平來(lái)講，這些年他一直在跟各國(guó)領(lǐng)袖們（這里指“領(lǐng)先者、第一名們”）接觸——什么瑞典小姐啊，阿根廷小姐啊，阿塞拜疆小姐啊。

10. 拿前紐約市長(zhǎng)跟特朗普比較
"I see Mike Bloomberg. Mike, a combative, controversial New York billionaire is leading the GOP primary and it's not you. That has to sting a little bit. Although it's not an entirely fair comparison between you and the Donald. After all, Mike was a big city mayor, he knows policy in-depth. And he's actually worth the amount of money that he says he is."
我看到邁克·布隆伯格也在現(xiàn)場(chǎng)。邁克，一個(gè)斗志昂揚(yáng)、充滿爭(zhēng)議的紐約億萬(wàn)富豪（這里指特朗普）正在領(lǐng)跑共和黨初選，而這人竟然不是你。你肯定會(huì)感覺(jué)不太舒服吧。當(dāng)然，拿你跟特朗普相提并論不太妥當(dāng)。畢竟邁克當(dāng)過(guò)大城市的市長(zhǎng)，對(duì)政策有深入了解，而且他的身家沒(méi)有注過(guò)水。
（暗諷特朗普不懂政策，吹噓自己的身家達(dá)上百億）

（中國(guó)日?qǐng)?bào)網(wǎng)英語(yǔ)點(diǎn)津 杜娟）