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Humor Joke 幽默笑話

中國日報網英語點津為您精選語言地道的英語笑話，開心學英語。

高昂的律師費

2011-03-10 10:33
A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?" the guy asks. "Yes," the lawyer replies, "Now what’s your final question?"

遲到

2011-03-09 10:05
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should have been here at 8:30!" He replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

盲人與狗

2011-03-08 13:23
Having watched what happened, a bystander said, "Why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!"

應聘

2011-03-07 11:04
A man applied for a job as an industrial spy. Together with several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor.

為什么哭

2011-03-04 09:25
"That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?"

圖書館何時開門

2011-03-03 11:16
"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked. "Nine a.m." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"

為什么請客

2011-03-02 10:30
"Honey," said the husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

改造的結果

2011-03-01 10:27
Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until late hours of the night.

走動的經濟體

2011-02-28 09:57
This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy." The friend asks, "How so?"

不是談生意的好時機

2011-02-25 10:50
The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?" "Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."

提前付款

2011-02-24 12:32
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."

受驚嚇的司機

2011-02-23 10:05
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

練習

2011-02-22 09:59
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck.

她在說謊

2011-02-21 10:21
In a courtroom, a pursesnatcher is on trial and the victim is stating what happened. She says, "Yes, that is him. I saw him clear as day. I'd remember his face anywhere."

還好

2011-02-18 09:21
Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."

投資錯誤

2011-02-17 10:10
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."

保存結婚戒指的方法

2011-02-16 10:04
"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman, "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"

生活中的實例

2011-02-15 10:56
Math Teacher: If a=b and b=c, then a=c, now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.

上帝和人的對話

2011-02-14 09:22
God replies, "For me, a million dollars is only five cents." The man says, "Really? Well then God, could you lend me five cents please?"

栽花的最好時機

2011-02-12 10:06
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some flowers in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”

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